Times

The times I thought I was going to hell,
Are the times I could not see.
The times were breaking my heart,
And the tears were blinding me.

I walk the streets of a lonely life,
Looking for some kind of sympathy,
But truth has finally found a home,
And the home resides in me.

So if times you think you are going to hell,
And you can't take time to see,
Take a moment to read my words,
And the truth will set you free.

Look at the source of your troubles,
And give those troubles release,
Because the true troubles haunting us,
Are inside our own imagery.

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The Death Of Family

Stephanie had an interesting blog entitled "Should a Woman Submit to Her Man". I find it interesting because it touches on why we have seen the destruction of the American family. Why are there so many single parent households?

It is rather simple. A family can only have one leader. When both parents attempt to be the leader, chaos occurs. It is like our country trying to operate with two presidents. It cannot work.

It is also similar in that the president is suppose to answer to the people, just as the leader of a household is suppose to answer to the family. While a president is suppose to act in the best interest of the country, the leader of the family is suppose to act in the best interest of the family. It a president fails to do so, he will be thrown out. It is similar with the leader of a family.

This, I believe is why the American family has become largely meaningless. Self interest has taken priority over the best interest of the family. Broken families have become the norm rather than exception to the rule. Divorce has become a viable option, although it is very apparent that divorce only ensures that the problems of a family can never be addressed. There is no right way to be divorced. The damage to the immediate and extended family cannot be repaired.

The damage can only be minimized as the damage spreads with each year that the parents provide a poor example to the rest of the family. Children learn that family is a temporary thing that can go away when self interest takes precedent. While there is a right way for a family to function, there is no right way for a broken family to function. Statistics clearly show that the kids will propagate the same destructive behavior to there children.

It is also interesting to note that getting divorced makes it more likely that you will be divorced again. This I found very surprising because I had always assumed that we would learn from our mistakes. This is apparently not the case. We tend to learn from the examples that have been set. I have been through these statistics. They are available on line.

The question here is how can this cycle be changed. First, I think it most important that couples understand their rolls in a marriage and their obligations to the family, which is why Stephanie's blog got me off on this tangent. Second, I think it important to realize that the no member of a family is any more important than any other member of a family. While each member of a family has their roll to fill, it does not mean that the needs of any member of a family is more important than the needs of the other members of the family. Additionally, no roll is more important than any other roll in the family.

Am I saying that the roll of a kid is just as important as the roll of the "bread winner"? Absolutely. While financial concerns are always important, the harmony of a family is dependent upon every member of a family fulfilling their obligations and putting the interests of the family above self interest. We are seeing the effects of the "me decade".

Similar to the current economic crisis, issues such as these run in cycles. We are now going through a learning period in terms of the economy. Self interest has enabled politicians to demonize industry, which is resulting in a backlash. This reaction has been clearly seen since the election. While the economy had been on a downturn before the election, the reaction of industry to the election has been to eliminate inventory to free up capital for investment overseas because the current political environment is not conducive to doing business in the United States. While some may consider this a horrible thing and want to panic, it should not be treated as such. It should be treated as an opportunity to learn. The climate will change and the jobs will return.

Similarly, the family will eventually come back, just like jobs. It is just a matter of the family learning from the current environment. Hillary Clinton touched on it when she said it takes a village. President George H. W. Bush hit on the same things we he said character matters. The issues with moral values and the danger of acting in terms of self interest rather than social interest have become very apparent. While family has been redefined due to self interest, eventually truth wins out. It is up to us as individuals to each act in terms of social interest rather than self interest to make these learning periods less traumatic.

Take Care,
 Steve

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Born to Be A Racist?

Based upon the title of this blog, I picked a song which may first not seem to fit at all, but the more I think about it, the better it fits. It is also very nice to listen to while writing about a touchy subject.

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I think we can all agree that sexual desire is something that is encoded in our genes. If not, we would have become extinct a long time ago. Nobody has to teach you how to get aroused, it just happens. It is part of human nature. I chose the song above because it is one of the most sexual songs that I can think off, as well as one of the coolest pick up lines:)

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So, why am I writing this blog? I had someone respond to one of my comments to some else's blog with a comment that made me reconsider my position on something. Yes, my holier than thou self found another perspective on a long held belief. I have always believed that racism, along with a bunch of other nasty isms, is caused by insecurity, that someone is wanting to make themselves feel superior even though they have nothing that they have actually done to justify the feeling.

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The comment I received was that there have been studies suggesting racism is caused by a genetic instinct, just like the sexual instinct. Supposedly it is something we are born with. After thinking about this, I suppose it is possible. For instance, would you be more comfortable in a room full of people of your race or a different race. Yea, you may say it doesn't matter to you, but you would feel more comfortable around people like you. It is just like women running in a heard, going to the bathroom together. They have something in common.

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Now that I am finished with my racist jerk paragraph, I have to move to the point of this blog. I find women attractive, but just because I find them attractive, I don't go start humping on their leg. Sure, it would be funny, but I have the common sense to recognize right from wrong. Yea, there are certain basic instincts we all have, but that doesn't mean we allow those basic instincts to control us. We think. We realize that our differences are something to appreciate, rather than something to divide us. So yes, I acknowledge that racism could be rooted in some basic tribal instinct, but I choose to believe that people are more than just their basic instincts. I do believe my proposition that racist people are insecure is still valid. So, I must have figured out a way to piss someone out there off in this blog. Am I way off base? Take Care, Steve

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How To Change

Well, selecting a tune for this blog turned out to be not as hard as I initially thought. You see, I wanted to get across how your attitude affects your life. We can choose to be negative, or we can choose to be positive. While Jimmy seems to draw a definite conclusion in this song, it really illustrates something I wanted to include here.

Apparently someone's driving ability had a significant influence on Jimmy. After all, he took the time to write a song about the guy. I would say there is a definite hint of blaming here. I try to approach life a bit differently.

I want positive influences in my life. These influences include more than just people. It means tailoring my environment to what is best for me. Sounds self centered? You bet. My life is very self centered these days and I am very proud of it. You can only be a positive influence on others if you are a positive person, so I don't tend to think to much about people that make choices I wouldn't. I simply let it go and move on.

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 I thought it a good idea to just share some of the things that work for me.

• Don't do the same thing every day. Look for different things to break the cycle.
• Don't think about troubling things that you know that you cannot do anything about.
• Create an environment which is comfortable for you. Obviously a lot of things can go into this, and I will list some below.
• Listen to music, but not just any music. Listen to upbeat music. There are plenty of places online. I go to playlist.com.
• Having candles burning help me. I love the sent as well as the light.
• Soft lighting is also a plus. I find the energy efficient bulbs to be great for this. I have a lot of lights, but most are low wattage bulbs that make for a warm peaceful glow.
• Go for a walk. How long should you walk? You should walk until you don't feel like walking anymore.
• Watch the Dog Whisperer. Look at how he is able to create a peaceful harmonious atmosphere, not only with the dogs, but with the people too.
  
• Don't discuss problems with people that you know have no solution.
• Think of what you have, rather than what you don't have.
• If you think your situation is bad, think of people that have endured much worse and count yourself lucky.
• Help someone. When you do, you help yourself.
• Go out an learn someone's name. I find it easiest to find someone with their name on their shirt. Remember it.
• Having a fountain with running water is peaceful to me. I have one in my living room.
• Never think about trying to change someone else. If you do, you are judging, which is a bad thing.
  
• Think about how you can improve you.
• Only changes in you can change others. If you project a positive attitude, others will pick up on it.
  
• You can't always get watch you want, but you will get what you need.
• People avoid clingy people. Don't be clingy. No, I am not saying be hard to get. Just don't be hard up.
• Don't think these are hard or bad times. What is going on these days is only bad in comparison to some things. Things are wonderful if you compare them with some other times. You have a very low chance of being eaten by a dinosaur these days. Be thankful.

Yea, but what does all that crap buy you? It buys you freedom and peace of mind. Yes, this is a stressful time of the year, but it is stress you put on yourself.

Take Care,
 Steve

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Distorted Values

I know there are a lot of people out there that think their problems are serious. They get depressed and think that they cannot be happy again because so and so did this, or won't talk to them, or called them names, or whatever. They choose to get depressed because they don't recognize in what ways they are truly blessed.

Today I was fortunate enough to run across a wonderful example of distorted values. While this is a recent story, it isn't as uncommon as you make think. I have read many stories such as this. There was even a case of a father shooting a son over a football game several years back.

Folks, this is part of the reason why it disturbs me to see someone get so upset that they rant on line, call names, cuss, and want to teach someone a lesson over something that really shouldn't be that big of a deal. If there are people in this world that upset you, find someone else to associate with. When you allow someone to get you so upset, you are revealing an issue with you, not them.

There are a lot of stupid people in this world. My goal in life is simple. I try to not be one of them.

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Time To Freak Out

I mentioned in my previous blog I had experienced some more anxiety attack issues. Strangely enough, it seems like many of my friends on here are going through similar issues. That got me humming. Why all the wackiness at the same time?

Well, it could be because of the holidays or the change of seasons. All of the preparations for Christmas can seem overwhelming. A warm sunny day definitely has a different effect than a cold cloudy one. Both of these can breed anxiety.

So, the real question is what to do? Well, strangely enough, I have the answer to that. Yes, I really do.

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First, there is a song that is extremely relevant here. I heard it done by Dolly Parton on Markey's blog, but I would like to go with the original.

Now, I hope everyone recognizes this song. It is by John Lennon and says more to me each time I hear it. I get a message out of this song I previously didn't get. Why? Well, it is because of some of my experience with the study of psychology and philosophy. It is about what really matters. It is about the answer that answer to the question I mentioned above.

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What can you do? If all you can really do is control what you do and, as I have said repeatedly, not attempt to control someone else, how can you make a difference? Can you matter?

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I have also mentioned that you teach people how to treat you, so obviously you do have an influence, and therefore you matter. So, the question should be how can you influence others in a positive way?

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The answer to that comes from something else I learned in psychology. The book I read suggested that if you aren't who you want to be, pretend to be like you would want to be and sooner or later you will be. In other words, if you act in a positive manner you will eventually change who you are and will really be the positive person that we all seek to be. In effect, our actions define who we are. Certainly that isn't true in the short term. I could do something real stupid tomorrow, but that doesn't make me stupid. I am talking about long term overall effects.

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It is also reasonable to assume that we cannot truly influence others unless we truly believe in what we are doing. The non-verbal communications that I have mentioned with regard to the Dog Whisperer is a major reason. You communicate in more ways you realize, whether it be mannerisms, the way you dress, or the energy that you put out. So, the answer here is to change who you are to the positive thinking person that we would all like to be and then that positive thinking will carry forward to others.

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This is where the added meaning to the song comes in. John Lennon asks you to join him in imagining a better world. In doing so I think he knew that his influence would be to cause a better world. He is saying that if we take the message from that song into our hearts, if we truly believe that the world he imagined could exist, then it will.

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Yes, I know some of you will be saying, but that won't work because we can't get everyone to believe. Well, the question isn't whether we can get what we want. If we are always unsatisfied unless we get what we want, we will always be disappointed. So, if we look at things in terms of what we can do, which is being a positive influence on others, we can be successful because we can influence people.

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This blog is getting rather long, so I will leave you waiting for the next blog, which is how to make the changes in yourself. The best part is, you haven't got to shave your head, wear a dress, and play a tambourine in an airport. You have everything you need within you.

Take Care,
Steve

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Mr. President

I was very glad to see Barrack Obama win the presidency. It has nothing to do with his political views, because I disagree with a lot of what I have heard from him. It is that I consider having someone of a different nationality a major step forward in this country. I have seen a lot of criticism of him, a lot of it is the same things I would criticize if I chose to look for the bad. The thing is, don't assume things are going to be bad. Judge the guy by his results.

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The other day I suddenly realized I have made it to a major milestone. I have finally contributed all I can this year to my 401k. I didn't even realize it until I saw my paycheck amount suddenly jump up. That is huge. What has gone on during the last few years has put me in a bad situation in terms of retirement because I basically lost 10 years of my life including savings for retirement and payments on a home.

Now I am in catch up mode. Suddenly I am worried about having to retire early and somehow paying my own way. I can't burden family. Hopefully I can now find somewhere to put this extra cash and save up for my annual molesting by the IRS. With no deductions, it is rough.

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Yes, I am still watching the Dog Whisperer and have become very fascinated with his technique. I think I am getting much better at handling aggressive controlling personalities, although I am always looking for opportunities to test my skills. Growing up I hadn't ever really experienced anything like it, and it is different. It may be a cultural thing. Us southerners are a bit more laid back.

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I am wondering about the trip to Alabama for Christmas. I have been feeling pretty good for about a week, but the anxiety attacks kicked in again today. I can't figured out what triggered it. It just happens. Part of the reason I am blogging is because I don't like becoming stagnant, and that is exactly what the anxiety attacks tend to create. You just want to sleep until it is over. I am really going to have to be careful at Christmas. I have gotten stuck out on the road with this crap several times, and it ain't fun.

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My family seems to be doing pretty good. I talk with mom once every week or so and she seems happy. My niece's baby, Scarlett, is growing up quickly and I am looking forward to meeting her for the first time for her first Christmas. I must find some way to spoil the crap out of her.

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My other niece is pregnant and she isn't married. From what I have heard, she and her boyfriend don't believe in marriage. I find it incredibly sad that someone would create a kid knowing that they would not give the kid the family that they deserve. I don't understand it, but I suppose it is the world in which we live. People don't believe in the power of family, and it is sad.

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It looks like I may be off to Oregon again in January. I have been avoiding this because it will be my first solo trip and I will have to do some driving, which is scary. I am not sure how, but I need to figure out a way around this. Business trips are very hectic and I can't afford to get sick while up there.

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The pressure seems to be on for me to move back to Alabama. I am more of the mind that Oregon would be better. Maybe I could get where I could go into work again every day. I do feel safe and comfortable out there. It is a beautiful area and my plants would love it.

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My brother seems to be doing very well. He came by and visited with my mother not long ago. He noticed that her garage needed some leaves swept out of it and just did it. My mom didn't realize it until after he left. I consider this a very good sign. There is a big difference between doing something looking for praise. It is something else to just do something because you recognize it needs to be done.

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Some of you have suggested that I should contact my wife or kids. I did consider it, but after getting some advice of people more familiar with the situation, the answer came back no. Yea, I guess I am the eternal optimist, but it is just like the anxiety attacks. If you don't have them for a while you start to think you are cured and you start thinking they really weren't that bad. Then you let your guard down, and your back to square one. Yes, sometimes I have to go get a reminder. I guess it is just part of growing up.

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I have done a bit more on the apartment. I have my candles out and have my fountain set up. Atmosphere is everything. I need to work some more on this apartment this weekend. I have just been hesitant to do too much. I don't want to deal with the back thing again and I sure want this trip through anxietyville to be short.

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I haven't been to the zoo in forever. I need to make it a priority to get there. I have been walking a bit, although I have kept it pretty short. I guess the walls are just closing in on me a bit.

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I had a bridge come off my teeth about a week ago. What a wonderful experience. Fortunately the dentist was able to put it back in place the next day. Growing old does stink. I can't wait until January 8th. That is when I go in to get my implant finished. It will feel good to have my full set of teeth again.

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Yes, I know, I am just rambling about nothing. I really don't have a lot to say, but wanted to let everyone know how I am doing. I have been trying to blog on several topics, but the flow just isn't coming at the moment. I guess I just need to wait until I feel the inspiration.


Take Care,
Steve

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Vote Joe Cocker!!!!

Okay, it may be a bit late to start political campaigning. All of you know I don't believe in politics, but I do believe in music. So, here are my reasons you should vote for Joe Cocker. Just write him in. Why should you vote for him? Well, check out my Joe Cocker platform.

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Joe is upbeat.

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Joe will bring us together.

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Joe understands women's issues.

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Joe feels your pain.

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Joe is against slavery.

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Joe wants to be perfectly clear.

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Joe believes in faith.

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Joe needs our help.

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Now get out there and get involved with this last minute write in campaign. Just ask yourself, which did you like hearing most, Joe's platform, or the other guys? Pass the word. Tell your friends. If I can only get around 100 million comments on this blog tomorrow, I think we have a chance.

Take Care,
Steve

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Dramaville

I read a blog of a friends today that bothered me. He is dealing with the same issues I had to deal with, namely, he is being used and continues to allow his family to manipulate his emotions. He is stuck in a drama and doesn't know how to or refuses to escape. He has no real contact with his family other than the drama. He also says he wants to teach them that they can't treat him badly. In short, he is a resident of Dramaville.

The first question is, does he really want to escape Dramaville? Sure, he blogs about how bad it is and how bad he is being treated, so why would he want to remain a resident? It is very simple, he may be thinking bad contact is better than no contact at all. After all, any contact, even bad, might somehow suddenly cause the situation to improve. Is it possible? Sure, it is possible. It is possible that I will walk up and down the side of the road tomorrow nekkid with bunny ears on my head and a carrot stuck in my butt crack. It just isn't very likely.

Is there something holding him in Dramaville? It is possible. I know what had me permanently setting up camp in Dramaville for more than a year. There was only really two things: guilty and blame. I felt guilty that I could not lead the family through troubling times, support my family the way a good father should, and afford to pay for my kids college the way I had always hoped. I was eager to make sure I wasn't to blame for anything. I didn't want my family blamed for anything. Somehow I was trying to find rationality in an un-rational situation. It is very likely that this person is going through similar feelings.

While my parental family, family counselor, and lawyer were explaining to me that I was allowing myself to be used, I denied it. I made excuses for the things that were happening to me. I was continuously told that my family would do something. I would insist that my family would never do that and that I trusted them. I would then be proven wrong. When proven wrong, I continued to make excuses for them. Yes, I was stuck in Dramaville.

Does this sound familiar? Are you stuck in one of these endless conflicts and don't know how to escape? Are you stuck seeking answers for things you cannot explain?

The solution is very simple, the Serenity Prayer. You are likely like me, a fixer. You are looking for how to fix things. Recognize that there are some things you cannot fix. Also, recognize when it is no longer your job to fix things. Sometimes it is better to just be than it is to do. If things are going to change, how you deal with the situation has to change.

How do I change things? I just be. I learn. I improve me. I don't blame. I very rarely chat with anyone about what I should do. I just be and don't feel any duty to fix. Heck, I don't even carry a cell phone any longer. What use to feel like a necessity now feels like a lead weight holding me down. I dropped the lead weight and now I am free. You can be too if you just make the choice.

Take Care,
 Steve

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Bumbling Around

I have been kind of bumbling around finding a new direction. Things are pretty peaceful and my financial recovery is continuing. I just need to keep being frugal and I will be fine. As God as my witness, I will never eat Top Roman again!!! And now for some inspirational music.

Okay, that was kind of different, now on with the blog.

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I am now a dual-blogger. I posting blogs at blogspot as well as at myspace. There are the same blogs posted in two different places. I just liked the blogspot format.

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I keep gleaming more insight from the Dog Whisperer. Notice how the people that own these dogs are always saying that they didn't realize that it was what they were doing that caused the behavior they have seen in their pets? I am also coming to the opinion that the Dog Whisperer isn't exactly trying to control the dogs. It is more like he is looking to earn their respect. It is a different way of looking at it.

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The strange sound project is continuing. I have been downloading a lot of music and have around 1100 mp3s of songs alone. This kind of goes along with my atmosphere philosophy. I am again burning my candles and hope to get my fountains up and running soon. This place is still a bit crowded. I do a little at a time.

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There has been some pressure for me to move back to Alabama. At the moment I am currently thinking Oregon would be a better move, but I am still undecided. I won't do anything until I am sure.

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Work is going okay. I have been sick off and on for the last week, but I think I have managed to be fairly productive. This job is very important to me, which is why I am off to work now. I hope everyone is doing well. I try to read blogs, although sometimes the subject get to be a bit much for me, especially the politics. Take Care, Steve