News Headlines

So, you have been reading my blogs for years and wonder why. You think I have typed some of the stupidest things you have ever read. Well, I beg to differ. Wait until you learn of my way of dealing with the news.

I have an RSS news feed reader that gives me headlines. Being the busy guy that I am, I save a lot of time by only reading the titles and making up the story to go with it just to save time. After doing this for a while, I decided I should share the experience with you. I have included links to the articles in case you want to get the in depth story, but my guesses should be pretty close. So, lets get started.

Actors Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart tie the knot

In a shocking move Calista decided to become Mrs. Ford to avoid that funky last name she has been dealing with all of her life.

French president marks WWII broadcast in UK

In a shocking revelations, the president of France just found out about World War II in a radio broadcast while taking a trip to England. When asked about his reaction to finding out there had been a war that kill tens of millions of people, the French president was heard to say “Wow man”.

Illegal bushmeat 'rife in Europe'

Holy Cow!!! It sounds like there is some weird cannibalism going on in Europe, but I don't want to get into specifics.

Guide dogs attacked by other dogs

Discrimination has been found in the animal kingdom. In a shocking discovery, scientists have noted a disproportionate number of attacks on guide dogs by other dogs. It is speculated that dogs see guide dogs as turning against their own kind by supporting humans.

Hospital to use robot 'workers'

To improve efficiency, a hospital has replaced their entire staff with robots. In an interview the director of the hospital said that this will not stop here. If things work okay, they will take the obvious second step and replace the patients with robots. The director predicts a significant reduction in costs, as well as deaths.

US sailor reaches New York after record-breaking 1,152 day voyage

When asked where the sailor sailed from, the captain of the ship said New Jersey. When asked why it took so long, the captains wife responded that she couldn't get him to stop and ask for directions. Hearing this, the captain responded “nag nag nag nag nag”.

By the way, for those of you who didn't get the bushmeat thing, consider yourself lucky. For those of you that did get the bushmeat thing, I sincerely apologize.

Take Care,

Steve