I read a blog of a friends today that bothered me. He is dealing with the same issues I had to deal with, namely, he is being used and continues to allow his family to manipulate his emotions. He is stuck in a drama and doesn't know how to or refuses to escape. He has no real contact with his family other than the drama. He also says he wants to teach them that they can't treat him badly. In short, he is a resident of Dramaville.
The first question is, does he really want to escape Dramaville? Sure, he blogs about how bad it is and how bad he is being treated, so why would he want to remain a resident? It is very simple, he may be thinking bad contact is better than no contact at all. After all, any contact, even bad, might somehow suddenly cause the situation to improve. Is it possible? Sure, it is possible. It is possible that I will walk up and down the side of the road tomorrow nekkid with bunny ears on my head and a carrot stuck in my butt crack. It just isn't very likely.
Is there something holding him in Dramaville? It is possible. I know what had me permanently setting up camp in Dramaville for more than a year. There was only really two things: guilty and blame. I felt guilty that I could not lead the family through troubling times, support my family the way a good father should, and afford to pay for my kids college the way I had always hoped. I was eager to make sure I wasn't to blame for anything. I didn't want my family blamed for anything. Somehow I was trying to find rationality in an un-rational situation. It is very likely that this person is going through similar feelings.
While my parental family, family counselor, and lawyer were explaining to me that I was allowing myself to be used, I denied it. I made excuses for the things that were happening to me. I was continuously told that my family would do something. I would insist that my family would never do that and that I trusted them. I would then be proven wrong. When proven wrong, I continued to make excuses for them. Yes, I was stuck in Dramaville.
Does this sound familiar? Are you stuck in one of these endless conflicts and don't know how to escape? Are you stuck seeking answers for things you cannot explain?
The solution is very simple, the Serenity Prayer. You are likely like me, a fixer. You are looking for how to fix things. Recognize that there are some things you cannot fix. Also, recognize when it is no longer your job to fix things. Sometimes it is better to just be than it is to do. If things are going to change, how you deal with the situation has to change.
How do I change things? I just be. I learn. I improve me. I don't blame. I very rarely chat with anyone about what I should do. I just be and don't feel any duty to fix. Heck, I don't even carry a cell phone any longer. What use to feel like a necessity now feels like a lead weight holding me down. I dropped the lead weight and now I am free. You can be too if you just make the choice.
Take Care,
Steve
The first question is, does he really want to escape Dramaville? Sure, he blogs about how bad it is and how bad he is being treated, so why would he want to remain a resident? It is very simple, he may be thinking bad contact is better than no contact at all. After all, any contact, even bad, might somehow suddenly cause the situation to improve. Is it possible? Sure, it is possible. It is possible that I will walk up and down the side of the road tomorrow nekkid with bunny ears on my head and a carrot stuck in my butt crack. It just isn't very likely.
Is there something holding him in Dramaville? It is possible. I know what had me permanently setting up camp in Dramaville for more than a year. There was only really two things: guilty and blame. I felt guilty that I could not lead the family through troubling times, support my family the way a good father should, and afford to pay for my kids college the way I had always hoped. I was eager to make sure I wasn't to blame for anything. I didn't want my family blamed for anything. Somehow I was trying to find rationality in an un-rational situation. It is very likely that this person is going through similar feelings.
While my parental family, family counselor, and lawyer were explaining to me that I was allowing myself to be used, I denied it. I made excuses for the things that were happening to me. I was continuously told that my family would do something. I would insist that my family would never do that and that I trusted them. I would then be proven wrong. When proven wrong, I continued to make excuses for them. Yes, I was stuck in Dramaville.
Does this sound familiar? Are you stuck in one of these endless conflicts and don't know how to escape? Are you stuck seeking answers for things you cannot explain?
The solution is very simple, the Serenity Prayer. You are likely like me, a fixer. You are looking for how to fix things. Recognize that there are some things you cannot fix. Also, recognize when it is no longer your job to fix things. Sometimes it is better to just be than it is to do. If things are going to change, how you deal with the situation has to change.
How do I change things? I just be. I learn. I improve me. I don't blame. I very rarely chat with anyone about what I should do. I just be and don't feel any duty to fix. Heck, I don't even carry a cell phone any longer. What use to feel like a necessity now feels like a lead weight holding me down. I dropped the lead weight and now I am free. You can be too if you just make the choice.
Take Care,
Steve
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